Recede to me (blog series)

At the beginning of this year I made a choice to combat the evil that had entered into my life. I chose to change myself back to the person I knew I was deep down and find out why I had let myself become something else in the first place. I decided during this time to keep a journal because of some very good advice that was given to me by someone much smarter than me, my sister. I am very glad I did and as part of becoming a better person I have decided to share my journal entries from those first 18 days of my new life. So without further delay, here is day 1:

Day 1                     “ADHDiction”

It feels like I’ve stepped into a high school. I realize now how long it has been since I’ve been in a situation where I had to be sociable with the common rabble. This building is a strange place in that, so far it is and isn’t what I expected. The people have all be strangely nice to me and some have even gone out of their way to introduce themselves to me. That includes one of the only hot girls here. I must have a nice shirt on or something.

The food here is healthy in nature and the coffee is alright I guess. I checked out the weight room (in all it’s dilapidated splendor) and the sign on the leg press seems to speak to the condition of my life. Out of order. I have met probably around 10 or 15 people so far but in true ADHD fashion… lets go ride bikes. Oh yeah, they rent guitars here so that should be a good cure for the level of boredom that has been steadily rising since I left my cell phone at home and decided to live out of a suitcase for the next 18 days.

They had me fill out this fucking questionnaire thing that asked me the same limited bank of questions in every possible arrangement and format. Of course, I couldn’t help but to draw shit all over the pages and use multiple shapes for circling my answers. I also, drew a payphone for some reason and a boss ass tortoise but I digress. It is strange to see the diversity in the types of humans that are in this habitation . I am trying not to ask why or how they got to this point because it seems to personal to ask right out of the gate. The people I’ve met who have already been here for a week seem to be a close knit crew but were still open with me and seem to be generally nice.

I went to my first meeting tonight. It seems stupid but I was surprised to see how much worse it can get. Like, I should be dead 20 times over but to hear what that transgendered guest speaker went through makes me almost believe someone (or thing) had to be watching over her. It makes me wonder if something has been watching over me also. I keep thinking how I got to this place, where I went so wrong, and the reality of my life is beginning to set in. I don’t know what strength flows in my veins but I have a feeling I am going to need all of it to face the demons of my past.

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