I awoke this morning to the blinds crashing against the wall and the wind howling outside, just barely audible over the sound of [my roommate] sawing logs on his bed across the room. I rubbed my eyes, and still half asleep went to look outside the window. Looking past the leafless tree I saw a Chinook arch splitting the sky in half right down my line of sight. One on half, beautiful sunlight lit up the sky as far as my eyes could see, and on the other, a dark cloud covered it as if it were a blanket fighting for control of the atmosphere. It was as if mother nature was speaking to my soul in sign, oddly reminiscent of the condition of my body and soul. Halfway cleansed of the hurt and sadness that had all but consumed me for all those years.
Looking out to see I am left with a feeling of inherent insignificance. Down here on this spaceship I call earth, I am but a grain of sand floating in an ocean. I am finding though that I am ok with that. My wanderlust and grandiose feelings of missing out on this life are giving way to a sense of belonging and true harmony with the song of the world. I am realizing that in the grand scheme of things, the things we do in this life are doomed to be forgotten to the pages of time, but that doesn’t mean we have to stand idle and watch the world burn. Everything that matters to me, matters to me, whether it is recognizable to the eyes of the universe is irrelevant. And to spend your life trying to be remembered for all time just a faster way of being forgot.
I believe in a new kind of being, one that bleeds selfishness and material longing from my mind and instills in me an overwhelming desire to affect the greater by focusing on the lesser. And I’m not trying to say I am going to become some sort of humanitarian aid worker because quite honestly I don’t care much for the troubles of man. As human beings we have been granted supreme intelligence, the greatest known level of awareness in the universe, and are smart enough, or should be smart enough to live in harmony with all other forms of life. But for the most part we chose not to care about the needs of the lesser and set ablaze the fires of industry and profit and consume more than our home can ever hope to provide us. And it does hope to, the planet earth is as connected to us as it’s rivers are to its vast oceans, and I fear that like a cancer we are suffocating it.
It is for this reason that I choose to focus on the little things of the world. Little-man [my cat], how he enjoys when I scratch behind his collar and satisfy the itches that eludes him. My friends and family, how all those years I thought I was un-loveable, and how strongly they showed me I was wrong. Or the simple beauty of the sun and how it provides us with all we need to exist. The ripple affect that caring about these things has in my world spreads out like waves in the collective consciousness of being that is our existence and it makes the world brighter. I believe that by doing this we can truly change the chemistry of the planet and make existence here sustainable. A world free of sadness inside my mind and out.