Day 17

“I am the egg, man.”

Today was one for the books. We did this egg drop exercise straight out of grade school. The councilors gave each of us a sheet of paper with 2 columns on it, one for writing the things we valued most in our lives and the other for supports we can access on the outside to help us maintain sobriety. Once each of us had filled out the sheet the councilors tallied up the amount of supports we had listed and gave us a corresponding amount of straws. After that they gave each of us an egg and a length of tape to use with the straws and build a protective device to save the egg from a fall.

My design was awesome and saved the egg from 3 separate drops, each increasing in height until I couldn’t reach any higher! Ace on the serve for sure. I failed the exercise however because, as I found out later, the egg was supposed to symbolize my recovery and to pass the test I wasn’t supposed to risk breaking the egg. The councilors challenged me on my choice to drop it three times and relayed their thoughts and questions to me about why I feel the need to take those kinds of risks in my life. I get the purpose of the exercise and how what I am doing in treatment echoes in the real world but to be honest, I just wanted to see my fantastic contraption bitch-slap gravity. It was a good exercise because it really got me thinking, but to me sometimes an egg is just an egg…. With a boss-ass contraption of tape and straws gently protecting it from sudden stops….while lookin’ handsome as fuck…In a top hat….ok I’m done.

[A girl from treatment] is a girl who came in with the last intake. I’m not exactly sure what it is about her but I want to get to know her better. I swear sometimes I feel like someone has duct taped my foot to my mouth, I asked her for her number today and totally bombed the attempt hard. Like I’m talking “Oh-the-humanity-hindenberg-firecloud-blimp-of-shame level of bombed.” It’s been a long time since I’ve asked anyone for their number let alone a pretty girl. I felt about 6mms tall for some reason when I asked her and I’m pretty sure my voice cracked like that teenager in the Simpsons. But she ended up humoring me and gave me her number but I’ll count it as a win while running away with my tail between my legs. She also caught up with me later on and asked for mine as well so maybe I’m not to far off in thinking she likes me. Or she just wanted my contact info to file for restraint but either way I’m happy.

I played a bunch of songs on the guitar last night for everyone in the rec room and a few people came up and told me they really liked my originals which felt awesome. I am going to play again tonight at the request of some of the people who were there last night. I think this momentum I’m gaining is going to be a huge positive for my recovery. My confidence and passion are increasing everyday and I am excited to build my life again outside these walls. We are all staying up late tonight because it is our last night here which I’m excited for. It feels natural to be excited about normal things again. Cant say I expected that to happen so soon. I plan on reading my poem “Beneath the waves” for my speech at the closing ceremony tomorrow. I’m nervous but ready to try, Kind of like going back to my life.

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