There are nights when I look up and I wonder if the universe knows me better than I know myself. When I feel like things in my life are falling apart, like I am falling apart, and despite all my best efforts I can’t seem to hold it together. To truly appreciate all that I have. All that I am. When I let the ugliness of people get to me or when I just can’t seem to feel ok. Somehow, it seems that the universe extends its hand to me, washes the dirt from my face, and reminds me which direction I am going.
The other night I stepped out from underneath myself and in to the freshly falling rain. The feeling of rain drops on my face made me laugh and smile. Triggering in me a sort of reset sequence. Suddenly, a great feeling of peace came over me. The rain washing away my insecurities, my fear, and my doubt. That is the thing I love most about rain, it is natures way of washing clean the world and all it’s creatures.
I had found peace in that moment. Easy and quiet, in a world of constant noise. Maybe that’s the key to it, slow down, count your breaths and just listen to the unwinding of the world. I can’t say for certain but since it rained I don’t feel so lost. I guess when the river catches your feet it’s easy to miss the little things. Easy to get caught up. Easy to loose your sense of direction. But the quiet sanctuary echoing through my skull and has all but silenced the crowd in my mind. For now.
I am not alone. I have a friend and although he is small, he is also brave. He is curious but also cautious and I love watching him simply, existing. I can almost hear his thoughts and how his inner battle unfolds. I don’t think he understands the rain but I think he wants to. He was watching as I laughed to myself. Standing there in the rain. He always wants to follow me. I would understand if he didn’t though. Considering jack and water never really saw eye to eye. But to my amazement I watched as he ventured forth, making his own little sacrifice to come to me and brush against my legs. Coming to a stop with his left foot standing on mine. Looking up at me with his little eyes like marbles. Strange little wonder. He so innocently interacts with the world and it always brings a smile to my face. Reminding me that there is an innocence in this world, within each of us, that is worth protecting. Worth fighting for.
One day, years from now, someone will tell my story and when they do I hope they tell of my love for the little creatures of the world. My sense of humor. How I didn’t always do the right thing, but I tried to. How I always had so many questions. And I hope they tell of a kind heart that kept beating even when it was broken. But most of all I hope they tell of the times I failed, how I was not perfect, and how sometimes I really didn’t know what to do or who I was. I hope they tell of how I was a real person in a world manufactured. Because when you strip away titles, possessions, money and power what you are left with is the impact you’ve made on the world; the legacy you’ve left behind. In words; immortal. And I want to be remembered as a good man and a good spirit. So if nothing else, when little-man [my cat] is standing on my foot looking up at me in the rain, I know I’ve made a difference to him. No matter how small. And that is something worth smiling about.